Top 50 Funny Sewing Quotes

During your life as a seamstress, you have probably run into a large amount of quotes about the sewing craft. This sage advice has probably made you laugh, mull over the deeper meaning of the words, and might have even made you sew the funny quip into your favorite project.

50 sewing quotes

Here at Sew Uber, we have gathered together the 50 funniest quotes we have heard or read at one point in our lives. Enjoy!

1: My soul is fed with needle and thread.

2: When life gives you scrap, make a quilt.

3: Sew much fabric, sew little time.

4: I’m a fabricholic on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m on the road to the fabric store.

5: I’m working on my PhD (projects half done) in sewing.

6: You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy fabric, and that is pretty close.

7: The sewing machine sews what the scissors have cut asunder, plus whatever else comes in its path.

8: It took me years and years of trial efforts to work out that there is absolutely no knitting triumph I can achieve that my husband will think is worth being woken up for.

9: A clean house is a sign of a broken sewing machine.

10: My biggest fear is that when I die my husband will sell all my craft supplies for what I told him they cost.

11: I just don’t want to look back and think that I should have bought that fabric.

12: I sew because punching people is frowned upon.

13: Of course I am working. It is a power tool with thread.

14: Asking a seamstress to mend is like asking Michelangelo to paint your garage.

15: I am not a hoarder. I just need a bigger craft room.

16: I meant to be good at the fabric store, I really did. But then I got out of the car and went in.

17: Measure twice. Cut once. Curse. Repeat.

18: No, my sewing room is not messy. I just have everything out on display. Like a museum.

19: The only place housework comes before quilting is in the dictionary.

20: Don’t be silly doctor! This is a “fabric stash,” not a “hoarding disorder.”

21: “I will not buy any fabric until I use my fabric stash at home,” I said. And then I laughed and laughed.

22: That secret happy dance you do when you realize you are finally done hand-cutting all 9,000,000,000,000 squares for that quilt.

23: Fabric is so addictive that it should be a controlled substance.

24: It’s all fun and games until the bobbin runs out.

25: You know you are a quilter if your ironing board is always set up, but you never iron clothes.

26: Stitchin’, Bitchin’, and Braless. A quilter’s life is good.

27: Sometimes I think maybe I should do something besides sew. . . then I realize how silly I’m being and go back to sewing.

28: Of course I talk to myself when I craft. Sometimes I need expert advice.

29: I’m in therapy, and sewing is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

30: I’m a quilter and my house is in pieces.

31: I feel like I should clean the house so I am going to my craft room to play until the feeling passes.

32: You call it “empty nest.” I call it “new sewing room.”

33: If we pop these store-bought pies into the oven it will look like we have baked all day instead of sewing.

34: Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself for $92 of craft supplies.

35: All I need today is a little bit of chocolate and a whole lot of fabric.

36: You never know what you have until you clean your craft room.

37: I’ve been smuggling fabric into the house in the grocery bags. . .my husband should notice there is no food in the house soon.

38: I’m not buying fabric. . . it’s a bailout for the textiles Industry.

39: My therapist advised I limit my fabric stash to one room. I now have a new therapist.

40: Sewing: The art of searching for items you just had two seconds ago.

41: I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my sewing room.

42: The Sewing Room Obstacle Course should be an Olympic event.

43: You haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

44: Deciding that you don’t need to read the directions because you have made a project 13 times before is a direct road to pattern pieces sewn in backwards, ripping out seams, tears and alcohol.

45: God gave me these hands so I could one day become a sewing badass. Mission accomplished.

46: Behind every quilter is a big pile of fabric.

47: You know you are a quilter if you pet fabric.

48: I sent my kid to college so I could store fabric in her room.

49: I quilt because the voices in my head tell me to.

50: Sewing fills my days, not to mention my living room, bedroom and closets.

So there you have it. If you know of a sewing quote that has made you chuckle, please send it to us. We would love to hear them and share in a good laugh while busy at the sewing machine.

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About the author

Sandra McConnell

My sewing journey started when I was 7 years old, with my grandmother as my first teacher in her sewing room. I went from a career in teaching to professional seamstress and from stressed out and tired to happy and contented.

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